Find it hard to believe that 24’s Calamity Kim (Elisha Cuthbert) has landed a job as a counterterrorism analyst? It shouldn’t be a surprise, after taking a look at Jack Bauer’s daughter’s casualty list — er, résumé— from the show’s first two seasons. Here is a look at the time-bombshell’s curriculum vitae:
24 Season 1
- Kim and a friend meet cute boys and get kidnapped, raising a question: Is abduction appropriate on a first date?
- As an escape attempt fails, Kim’s friend is hit by a car. To anyone considering hanging with Kim, a word of advice: Don’t.
- Mom Teri joins Kim, making confinement a family affair. As Jack rescues them, Kim foolishly tries to help her abductor, setting a world record for contracting Stockholm Syndrome.
- At a safe house, Kim calls her cute kidnapper/potential boyfriend, Rick. But how can a second date ever live up to the first?
- After assassins kill the safe-house guards, Teri and Kim escape in a car before pulling a Wile E. Coyote and parking on a cliff. Kim is in the car as it plummets.
- Kim survives and decides to seek safe haven: her kidnapper’s house. Surprise! He is working on a drug deal with a psycho buddy. Welcome back, hostage.
- Cops raid the house, arresting Kim and others.
- A cleared Kim scores a hostage hat trick when she is kidnapped while being taken to CTU. Fun fact: This abduction actually isn’t her fault.
- Kim escapes from the evil Drazens, but Jack mistakenly thinks his daughter is dead. He just doesn’t get it: Only the people around Carnage Kim die.
24 Season 2
- Kim, now America’s most dangerous au pair, flees after her young charge’s Psycho Dad threatens them. When he pursues, Kim subdues him with a tire iron.
- Kim takes the girl, Megan, to CTU, which explodes. Megan has a seizure. Talk about bad-hair days.
- Kim enlists boyfriend Miguel to help Megan and her escape Los Angeles, where a nuclear bomb may hit. He knocks out Psycho Dad and they take his car.
- Police find Psycho Dad’s dead wife in the car trunk. Kim and Miguel now face murder charges.
- Kim and Miguel start a fire in the police car, causing an accident. The officer and Miguel are hurt; Kim escapes into the woods.
- 24 potentially jumps the shark when a snarling cougar stalks Kim, who is caught in an animal trap. A survivalist rescues her. Arriving at his cabin, she decides it’s time for a refreshing shower.
- When the weirdo woodsman tries to confine Kim to his bomb shelter, she hits him on the head. He smartly lets her go but un-smartly gives her a gun.
- At a convenience store, gun-toting Kim parlays an argument between two men into a double shooting. “Cleanup in aisle four.”
- Kim, cleared of murder after Psycho Dad confesses, calls Miguel. He’s lost that loving feeling, along with his right leg.
- With no immediate risk to her well-being, Kim returns to Psycho Dad’s house to collect her scanty outfits. For some reason, the confessed killer is there. He kills Kim’s police protector and then pursues Kim.
- Kim calls Jack, who tells her to shoot Psycho Dad. She kills him. Like father, like daughter.